..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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