I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
