All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
