coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
