How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
