I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
