you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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