Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How's work?
Spinning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
