i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
