Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish you could order shots online.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
