we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize