Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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