Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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