We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
