Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
