forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
