Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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