help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize