I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
