did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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