Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
