Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
