i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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