I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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