Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
