LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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