I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
