you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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