Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
