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I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
