it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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