she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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