I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
