I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
