Sry I called you an 8
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
