3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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