The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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