i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
