Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
two words: eviction party
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
