Sry I called you an 8
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
