i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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