Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
