I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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