I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
