Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
