Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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