i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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