he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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