I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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