Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize