Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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