Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
