SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
