i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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