last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
