No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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