I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
