dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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