she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
