I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
