the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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