i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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