Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
tell me about the fingering
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